


Be Okay

by anillani



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mild Trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27808312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anillani/pseuds/anillani
Summary: “I’m gay,” Akaashi said, eyes cast down onto his lap.In which Akaashi has a rough coming out and Bokuto is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 142





	Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends! i wrote this instead of my anthropology essay because i'm Stressed. hope you like this angsty lil oneshot lol
> 
> !!!! Mild trigger warning: homophobia, disownment !!!!

“I’m gay,” Akaashi said, eyes cast down onto his lap.

His parents sat in silence across the table. His father was the first to speak up. “ _What?_ ” Akaashi flinched. “What did you say? Look at me, Keiji!”

Akaashi slowly turned his gaze up to meet his father, whose arms were crossed and his face twisted around his grimace. He had long since set his chopsticks down. His mother was silent, eyes cast down. Her features adorned a similar expression, though.

“I’m gay,” Akaashi repeated, quieter this time. He forced his voice to come out calmly. “I like men-”

“I know what it means,” his father shouted, standing abruptly. His chair crashed to the floor behind him. Akaashi’s gaze shifted to his mother, who was finally looking at him.

She shook her head, her frown deepening. “No.”

Akaashi winced. A question formed on his lips, but before he could voice it, his mother continued.

“No. Our son will _not_ be gay. No.”

“But I am,” Akaashi stuttered. He could feel the tears coming, now. His hands shook in his lap and his leg bounced beneath the table.

“Then get out,” his father said. “No son of ours is this dishonorable.” Akaashi didn’t move to leave, too dumbstruck to even _think_. “I said _get out_. We don’t want anything to do with someone like you.”

 _‘Someone like you’ he says. But I’m your son…_ Akaashi thought, willing away the tears as he stood. He staggered to the foyer without argument.

“Disgusting,” his father spat as he left the room. But Akaashi ignored him, putting on his shoes and exiting without so much as a goodbye.

***

Akaashi stood breathless on Bokuto’s porch. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and brought a shaky hand to the doorbell. He pressed the button and waited, taking deep breaths and blinking harshly. His legs nearly buckled beneath him when he heard heavy footsteps and the door swung open.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said, stepping aside to let Akaashi in without hesitation. “What’s wrong, are you okay?”

Akaashi nodded as he shuffled in. He couldn’t look Bokuto in the eye, and he willed back the tears sting of tears threatening to spill over.

“Akaashi seriously, what’s going on?”

Akaashi couldn’t hold it in anymore. A sob wracked through him and he wiped his eyes furiously as hot tears spilled down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. Just for a moment, let me…” His voice trailed off as he leaned into Bokuto’s sturdy chest.

Bokuto wordlessly wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s shoulders, biting his lip as he felt trembling hands grip his back and wetness soaking into his shirt. “It’s okay, Akaashi,” he whispered. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say, so he just hummed softly next to Akaashi’s ear and stroked his hair, rocking back and forth with the setter in his arms.

***

_Akaashi stood in Bokuto’s living room, the street lamps and moonlight the only light illuminating Bokuto’s face. He was scowling. But not at just anything, no. He was scowling at_ Akaashi _. His face was twisting, contorting, transforming into something Akaashi had never seen before._

_“You thought I’d feel bad for you? You thought I’d be on your side?” Bokuto shouted._

_Akaashi couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe._

_“You know, I agree with them. You’re disgusting, a waste of space. You should be ashamed. How could anyone ever care about you knowing you’re… like_ that _?”_

_Akaashi was choking. Tears were falling again, but he couldn’t feel them over the ache in his chest._

***

Akaashi jolted awake. He took in a sharp breath and swallowed, his throat dry like sandpaper.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said. His voice was barely above a whisper. “Are you feeling any better?” He shifted over on the bed and rested a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder.

Akaashi sat up, realizing he was still at Bokuto’s house. In fact, he was in his bedroom now, on his bed, a blanket tucked around him that smelled so distinctly like Bokuto it made him want to cry all over again.

 _It was a dream_ , Akaashi thought, regaining some of his senses. He sighed and leaned into Bokuto’s warm touch.

“Somewhat, thank you,” he said. His voice was hoarse and nasally. He shut his eyes and forced himself to breathe properly.

“I was really shocked when you just fell asleep in my arms like that,” Bokuto said. He scooted closer and Akaashi could _feel_ his warmth from where he was sitting. “So… do you want to talk about what’s going on, or…?” His gaze was gentle, albeit as sharp as always.

Akaashi bit his lip and nodded. “I’m sorry for worrying you so much.”

“No, no, it’s okay, don’t apologize. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Akaashi couldn’t bring himself to look Bokuto in the eye. He took a deep breath before sitting up fully against the headboard. Bokuto shifted into him so they were shoulder-to-shoulder. “I had an argument with my parents.”

Bokuto waited to speak. He wanted to talk, of course, but he knew better at this point.

“Well, argument isn’t really the right word. More like they got upset with me. Really upset. And I was told to leave.”

“May I ask what it was about?” Bokuto rested a hand on Akaashi’s leg. The constant contact was driving him crazy, but his captain was always like that. Akaashi should be used to it but _fuck_ he really wasn’t.

“Um, well… Okay, I was planning on telling you sooner or later, but I’ve been scared.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me anything, I won’t be upset.”

“Do you promise you won’t think of me differently?”

Bokuto’s face scrunched up. “I would never judge you, Akaashi. You know that.”

Akaashi sighed. “I know, I know. I’m just nervous. My parents didn’t react well, and I don’t know, I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“Akaashi! I would never hate you!” Bokuto grabbed Akaashi’s face, a hand on each cheek, and forced Akaashi to look him in the eye. His hands were warm and calloused and their presence was strong against Akaashi’s skin.

Akaashi couldn’t help the tears that welled up again. He tried to resist it, but it was hard when someone, _Bokuto,_ was holding him so tenderly.

“Okay,” Akaashi said, his voice wavering. He took a steadying breath. “Um, Bokuto-san. I… I like guys. I’m gay.”

Bokuto’s face was blank. His hands had slid down to rest on Akaashi’s shoulders, and they sat heavily there. He stared into Akaashi’s glassy eyes for a suspended moment.

“That’s all?”

Akaashi’s mouth fell open. “…Yes?”

“Oh, okay. Geez, you scared me, Akaashi. I thought it was something serious. It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

Akaashi pulled away from Bokuto’s touch. “It _is_ a big deal! How could it not be a big deal? My parents kicked me out! I can’t- What if more people find out? What if it gets to the school and I’m not allowed to play anymore? What if-”

Suddenly, Akaashi was pressed against Bokuto’s chest in a crushing hug. “I’m sorry, Akaashi, I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t want to play down the situation, I just meant that it’s not a big deal to me. I don’t care what you identify as.” He cradled Akaashi’s head. “It doesn’t matter to me who you love.” The last part was tacked on after a moment, quieter than the rest of what he had said and weighing heavier between them. Akaashi felt that weight distinctly.

He sniffled and buried his face into Bokuto’s shirt, breathing in his scent and shutting his eyes. “Does it _really_ not matter to you?” was his quiet response. Bokuto felt more than heard the sentence; Akaashi’s breath danced hot across his skin, his lips grazing over his collarbone with each word spoken.

Bokuto went stiff and held Akaashi tighter. “Maybe it does. A little.”

Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s heart pounding in his chest, could hear its frantic beating against his ribs. “A little? Because if it were me in your situation,” he said as he pulled back. “I would care more than a little.”

Bokuto blinked. Then he blinked again. And again. Then he was reaching out for Akaashi again, lips trembling with unspoken words.

“I have feelings for you, Bokuto-san.” He looked into his eyes now, not wanting to miss a single second of his reaction. He analyzed Bokuto’s features; wide eyes with pupils blown wide, lips parted and still quivering.

“Akaashi…? Are you… serious?”

Akaashi felt his stomach twist and he pushed down the bile rising in his throat. “You know what, I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. I really shouldn’t have dumped that on you out of the blue.” He swung his legs off the end of the bed and began to stand up. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave-”

Bokuto’s hand was on his wrist. “No! Don’t go! Please.”

Turning back, Akaashi noticed Bokuto’s hand was shaking.

“Me too, Akaashi. I like you, too. I don’t really know if I’m gay or whatever, but all I know is that I really, really like you.”

Akaashi couldn’t breathe. “You’re not joking, right?”

“No way! I would never joke about something like this! Honestly, I never thought I had a chance. You’re just so cool, I thought you’d only be brought down by me. I was too chicken to ever say something about it.”

“I’ve never thought about you that way, Bokuto-san. You’ll never bring me down.” He ran a hand through Bokuto’s hair. “But… If you like me too, that means… it’s mutual.” He couldn’t help the smile that broke out over his lips despite the tears. “Bokuto-san.” He reached forward and fell into Bokuto’s embrace. His arms wrapped around his neck and Bokuto held him back just like before.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto sounded like he was going to cry, too.

They held each other until Akaashi’s back was stiff from the position and he pulled away. Bokuto brought his hands up to Akaashi’s face slowly, gently. His fingers brushed over his cheekbones as he leaned in closer.

Their lips met halfway, pressing together gently. The kiss was warm and unhurried as they soaked each other in.

Bokuto pulled away with a breath. “Akaashi,” he whispered, his breath fanning over Akaashi’s wet lips. “I’m here. I’ll be next to you, always. Whatever happens, you can rely on me.” He pressed their foreheads together and played with a strand of hair behind Akaashi’s ear. “I know I can be difficult and overbearing and emotional, but I promise I’ll help you like you’ve always helped me.”

Akaashi chuckled. “I know, Bokuto-san. Thank you.”

***

They laid under the covers in Bokuto’s bed, Akaashi tucked under Bokuto’s arm. “Bokuto-san,” he whispered.

Bokuto’s hand ran absently over Akaashi’s arm. “Hm?”

“So, you said you don’t think you’re gay. Does that mean you still like women?”

“Hmm, yeah I still like women. I don’t know, I hadn’t really noticed guys in _that_ way until I met you, though.”

“Do you think you’re maybe bi, then?”

“Bi?”

“Bisexual. It means you like everyone, not just the opposite sex.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, maybe. I don’t know if I really need a label. Is that okay?”

“Of course. Whatever makes you happy.”

Bokuto laughed sheepishly. “You make me happy, Akaashi.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of Akaashi’s head. “All I know is that I like you. A lot.” He wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s waist and pulled him up on top of him, grinning.

Akaashi chuckled and rested his head against Bokuto’s shoulder. “Thank you again, Bokuto-san.”

“What are you thanking me for? You’re the reason we’re like this now.”

“I don’t know, for just being you, I guess. You’re always so outgoing and kind and loving. I’m glad that you care about me.”

Bokuto felt himself flush at the compliments. “Well, you’re super smart and caring and talented and brave and strong!”

Akaashi laughed. “Thanks, but where is this coming from?”

“I thought we were taking turns complimenting each other.”

Akaashi smiled and leaned up to kiss Bokuto’s lips, smiling wider when Bokuto kissed back.

Akaashi was scared of the future. He was scared to go home, scared of others’ reactions, scared of being a bad boyfriend. But he knew, deep down, that it would be okay. Because he had Bokuto, and Bokuto had him.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! tysm for reading<3


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